Jerry, you need to find god
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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