The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
