I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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