K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
high people should be assigned attendants
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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