i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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