Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
