hell yes lets make some ravioli
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize