I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
