Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
