I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He shit in the fireplace
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