This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
