He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
