He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
