next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
