Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
