Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
