there's paper in my vomit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I want a musical about memes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
