A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
