Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
