Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
