his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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