I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
