Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
