Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
