His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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