Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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