Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
