Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
