I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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