so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
