the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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