Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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