Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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