He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
