I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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