Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
