I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
