i just wanna soil my oats bro
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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