yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You need a sexual gate keeper
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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