Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
