no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
