I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
