Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
