just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
