Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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