so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
