I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
