I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
