Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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