it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
