Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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