whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
