M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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