you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
