My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
