dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
