Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize