Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
