she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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