im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
