from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
