Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
