He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
