is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
