Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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