I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
