i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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