remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
should my penis look like a turkey
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
