I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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