i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
