I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
