Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
